• Hools

Open world to explore

My life has been a whirlwind of business and love. I've found a balance of keeping those who lift me up in my life while working fulltime+ hours. Quite honestly I don't know how anyone works an office job their whole life because I've only been doing it for 3 months and my back is killing me from looking down at a computer for 10+ hours a day.

With all that aside I've found a pretty happy place in my dating life. I say that now because watch when I download okcupid again on christmas eve when I'm all alone and crying on my couch. BUT, I haven't had any urge to date anyone more than my LD partner, which I don't think is a bad thing. For some reason I feel obligated to constantly justify my polyamory because it's not that I'm not looking. Though having only the one boyfriend negates any conversation of having more, so the single cats just assume I'm taken. It's all a weird game of having someone read between the lines of who I am. I'd hardly expect anyone to put that much effort in to seeing if they could date me...

With that said I'm transitioning this blog into more of just general life stuff, not that anyone cares, as I'm aware no one really reads this. If you are, thank you, my words are only a single thought in my head with no editing... sorry. I usually do an end of the year recap of accomplishments in a note on facebook, but FB recently took away notes, so I figured I'd probably do it on here. The reason being that I think it's important to acknowledge the things we have done. Especially this year with the pandemic halting any sort of progress.

I've been fortunate enough to be thrown into a job I never applied for and actually enjoy it, while floating above the financial struggles so many others are suffering from. I know my accomplishments come from a place of privilege. My post will not be as a 'in your face' thing, but more of letting others take a second to really appreciate the little things that have come out of this year. I for one can say I've developed such a deep love and security in my relationship with my LD partner. A place in which I didn't know I could be capable of. You mean you can feel safe AND be loved?! Crazy.

Because of that I've been able to appreciate the other people I love and what they bring me. All we have had through this time are the connections we hold onto when there isn't anything forcing us to be together like work or shows, etc. It has allowed me a giant list of wonderful people to embrace me for me, and has let me actually love myself.

Maybe I'll date again, but now I think it's just safer to wait until the world is somewhat safe to be in. Thinking that those who I have found recently online who are okay with hooking up with a stranger have been infrequent and disinterested in anything more than a quicky, which in case you don't know I'm asexual, so it's mostly nauseating. Geez, can't I just find someone to stimulate me with their brain and think I'm super rad so they want to actually spend time with me? But I digress.

My LD partner just got a house. I'm so proud of him. He spent the last couple years saving up for it and now he owns a real house. It's very nice. So finally he's in a place he feels comfortable dating again and it makes me a little giddy. When we started dating he was already dating someone (who I have a great friendship with and love dearly). I was definitely not a planned date. Though I'm so happy that we have come to where we are after a random 3am hookup, he has never been one to put himself out there. Now that he has a place to himself he downloaded the apps.

I helped him edit his profile, gave him advice on how to operate the apps, and chose which pictures he should use. Low and behold a week later he had an online date. I really should just stop here because now I'm talking about someone else's experiences. And though I'm VERY comfortable sharing literally everything to the online world of ANYONE I realize not everyone is.

Who knows what this world will bring in the next while of time. With the vaccine potentially around the corner, a sense of maybe normalcy returning. Perhaps I can pick up another person at a karaoke bar soon enough! I wrote a list of traits, drew a picture and dated it with when I'm supposed to meet this person. That date is coming up fast.... that was my therapists plan, okay?! But I'm actually happy with whatever comes my way.

I'm obvi the one in the flower shirt

I had a very lovely birthday weekend with my partner, and I'm weirdly excited to spend a week over the holidays with him. It'll be the longest time we've spent together in person. Usually something like that would freak me out, but, I don't feel fear for it. He makes me comfortable enough to be myself and be chill.

Anyway, I guess this was just an update in prep for my long ass end of year post. Mostly because I haven't vomited through my screen in a while, but also because it's weird to be happy with things, when the world is on fire.

As always, feel free to follow me on the 'gram @Holly_amorous

Oh. Also I have an etsy shop because...

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