Poly on the Radar
Oh the groans of society imbedded beliefs when the topic of polyamory is breached.
Here's a little anecdote.
I recently mentioned to a co-worker about being polyamorous. The topic came up naturally as he noticed I was a little down and asked why. I mentioned that my partner had just left town for a few weeks over the holidays and I missed him. "Who's he spending the holiday's with then?" he asked, confused as to why I was not with him. "Oh, his primary partner and her family". If you've never seen a confused face become even more confused, I can tell you it's very silly. I decided to use this opportunity to be a little bitch and see how far I could push it. "Oh, and my other partner is visiting me on the weekend". He was still speechless until I mentioned being polyamorous, even then still hesitant. "Everyone knows about everyone else". He relaxed a bit. I guess maybe he thought I was an adulterous. How presumptuous.
He's nineteen, and a business guy. Also, probably still figuring out his sexuality. He didn't have many questions to follow, but it made me realize how different the world I live in is (surrounded by artists and creatives and people who are like-minded) compared to the general population. I made a comment about how if I wasn't working on Christmas I would just sit at home, sad and alone. He replied 'But you're poly...whatever, how are you ever alone, you can just find someone else'. It made me feel as though being poly was a way to cope with never feeling alone. As if I'm too afraid of being lonely that I have to reach out to other people constantly. I'm not saying that's not true... because I constantly reach out to people every day.... But I'm also not going to call over any Tom, Dick, or Mary just because I can't STAND my crippling loneliness.
Another co-worker mentioned with disgust 'Oh I tried that poly thing once, it was way too much talking for me'. Which surprised me as she's QUITE the talker. I thrive off of that conversation though. I need it to breathe. Having a sit down talk about my feelings and how I'm effecting the people in my life ignites such a passion inside me. It makes all my relationships (not just the romantic/sexual ones) stronger. Though people stray from those hard conversations because god forbid we ever look inside ourselves to see where we might be mistaken. No one wants to be wrong, but I live freely in my incorrectness. It makes me cute and quirky...
I forget that being poly isn't accepted in most circles because I have so many poly people around me, as well as general humans who don't gafaw at my relationship status. I forget that to a large percentage of the population, with whom I don't normally interact with, think that polyamory is a 'phase'. Or some sort of disfunction. I can tell you it's not a sexual disfunction on my part, since I'm asexual, but then some would argue that too is a disfunction. What a fun life I live. Constantly being questioned for my choices that internally I know are real, but anxiety tries to trick me into believing otherwise. WOOOO.
I guess for me, someone who really doesn't understand monogamy, it feels like I've entered the matrix and I could never see relationships in any other way. Why not be open to sharing your love among several people? Why not have those conversations about feelings, and what that means for everyone involved? But in the same breath, I'm not going to negate those who are monogamous. I mean, sure, I can look at that and think 'I DO NOT get it', but if that's what makes sense for you, who am I to tell you otherwise. So why do others feel they need to tell me how to live.
I suppose it's how I also feel about homophobia, racism, sexism, all the isms. Why do the way other people live effect you so much you have to scorn them for it, or worse, abuse them. It all comes down to those who aren't happy and want others to be just as unhappy as them. While here I am, trying to be as small as possible so I don't make others unhappy. Our world is fucked, people are weird, can't we just let people live their goddamn lives if they aren't hurting anyone?
I just want to love, be loved, and have love available for everyone, no matter how that works best for you.